What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

This is soul school!.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

What were some of the unforgettable incidents from your school life?

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

My life is so biszare .

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Which feels physically better for guys: vaginal sex or anal sex?

As i do to all so called friends.?

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

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And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

I’m 17 and looking for a girl. What do I do?

Why did i forgive my father ?

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

Are evolutionists giving evolution a bad name by claiming humans started off as shrews?

My family never makes their pension either.

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

Would the word literate carry the same meaning with public (common wealth) in 1900 vs today 2020?

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

I never cut or harmed myself..

I have no regrets .

— fri(end)s forever!

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

All the time i was locked up.

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He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

What do you think about Matt Gatz as an attorney general?

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

How do I get my body in shape?

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Especially a lifetime of it.

(And it was in our own minds.)

How do you trump Trump’s executive order to bring back plastic straws?

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

My mum and dad in the seventies!

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

Where the ultimate outsiders.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

I don,t even have a pension.

One cannot live in the past .

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

We all went to grammer schools

I waited trembling.

But, we were locked up after school.

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

I write beautiful poetry .

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

Was to survive, this bastard.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

I was scared of men, in general

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

This is how, and why children get BPD.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

Im dying but, im not bitter.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

And i lived it daily.

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

He knew the spot.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

She married twice! .

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

What did i know ?

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

But ive been too sick for many years..

I was seconnd youngest,

She loved him until the end.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

I was 9 years of age.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

Put me off passion for life!!

It was going to be , some day.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

So, i spoilt her more .

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

But it wasn’t much.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I will be 64.

Ive learnt so much.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

I think the readers, may guess!

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

She was in good health!

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

I know ,a lot about trauma.

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

I could never make a relationship work though!

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I was very sick at this time too.

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Would this be the day?

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Who then, do I blame.?

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

And who doesn’t know suffering?

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

So whats the point in blame.

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

She wouldn,t have been !

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

She found it foreign!.

I said to her

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

When she asked me how she looked .

I did it because my mum asked me too!

We were not on the streets..

I couldn’t, believe it.

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Im still living with it.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

Comes on , in middle age.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

He resisted the act ,that day.